Archive | December 2011

Are you Lesbian ?

This morning when I logged into WordPress , I opened  “Topics” menu and looked at blogs of Lesbian. Suddenly my female co worker who sits next to my desk  said this  to me “Are you lesbian ? Why do you read about it ?”.  Did I get caught by her ? I couldn’t answer her questions. I just smile and mumble, hmmm.

But after that she continued to explain  that some friends of her son when he was schooled at a  Catholic senior high school  also ridiculed by his other friends as homo only for a reason that his friend who is male was a close friend with his another friend who is male too. And so with his female friend who was a close friend with his another female friend ridiculed as lesbian. Their desks were also written with word “homo”  or “lesbian” using tip ex or something else. I wonder although the school was a good quality Catholic school with  tight discipline, but this event still occured too.

After her explanation, I relieved. Because I think she still doesn’t know that I am a crossdresser or lesbian. I think she is only guessing or asking me.

Sympathy For The Devil

Please allow me to introduce myself ,  I’m a man with weak faith
I’ve been around for a long, long year.  Stole many attention and time.  And here is my another article.

In response to a news, one of my friends said that it’s like our society doesn’t want to accept that people are messed up and do evil things.  Our society doesn’t want to accept that people are sinful.  So if someone does something really horrible, they must be insane.

I agree with him. It’s like our society doesn’t want to blame the evil. It’s like a sympathy for the devil. Ironic ?

It happens almost  the same  to me too. If I can’t beat my own desire to lusting with doing crossdressing then I say to myself that my faith is still too weak. What can I do ? But sometime I also blame the devil by saying what else can I do ? I’m in the vicious circle.

I  ever heard a sermon that essentially says, rather than blaming the devil we better preserve and nurture our faith. Let our Great Judge himself judges the devil. Let us pray “lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory, for ever ” ( Matthew 6:13 )

Familar with this song ? “Sympathy For The Devil” . Sung by The Rolling Stones. It was a controversial song. Some says that it was dedicated to Satan.  Looks like that every where a bad event occurs, devil participated.  Stole many souls and faith.  Temptation of Jesus, His trial . Russian revolution, World War II, the assasination of Kennedy. Too much violence and cruelty  he did.

Without his participation a book in the Old Testament will never exist, Book of Job. Do not forget that he was the one who requested permission from God to tempt Job. He was also the one that persuaded Eve to eat the apple, so the man finally expelled from the garden of Eden. And all the contents of Bible is about the war between God and Devil.  What a great reputation ! But please don’t try this at home, do not even try to imitate his actions.

Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name.

But what’s puzzling you. Is the nature of my game.

In my time of dying

The issue whether crossdressing is a sin or not has been argued by two friends of mine, at least. The first said it is not a sin, because it doesn’t harm anyone beside human when they are dead will be judged for what they do for others. The other said that crossdressing is a sin according to a verse in the old testament of the bible that says “A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this”.

But, didn’t some verses in the Old Testament have been overhauled by Jesus ? Like in Matthew 5:38-42.Instead of demanding an eye for the replacement of an eye, He teaches us to give our another cheek when we had been slapped on the right cheek.

Isn’t crossdressing issue almost similar to food that sacrificed to idols issue in 1 Corinthians 8 ? Some say we can eat it, but some say we can not eat it.

Then the first said that my God isn’t going to judge me on my sexuality or my gender dysphoria. I believe He is going to judge me on how I conduct my life, how I treat others, how I help when I should, on the acts of goodness or kindness done unknown to others.

What he said is almost similar to this song below “I’ve only been this young once. I never thought I’d do anybody no wrong. No, not once. Oh, I did somebody some good.” A very popular song originally done by Blind Willie Johnson (originally titled “Jesus Make Up My Dying Bed”,1928). But rearranged by Led Zeppelin with title “In My Time Of Dying”. It’s about someone who is dying. Listen to the lamentation of the singer Robert Plant.

I don’t mean to interrupt your dialog. Just an intermezzo while you’re doing your dialogue. Happy holidays to you. Peace on earth good will to men.

Maybe if I were dying I do the same thing as the singer did, lamenting,  begging and  shouting His name. Will He open the gate for me ? What I am afraid of is that He will say ” Get away from Me ! I don’t know you”. ( Matthew 7:23 )

Welcome to my nightmare

Until several months ago when my desire to do crossdressing is stronger than now I usually couldn’t sleep at night before holiday. Then I usually did crossdressing  from night until dawn. I even sleep with woman dress. I did it very often. Sometimes when I sleep with woman dress, I dreamed. It happened several times. The dreams although varied but almost the same. Then usually I woke up with nervous. Of course I couldn’t sleep well and I was so tired the next day. The dreams are like this.

I dreamed I was laying in my bed with woman dress  and I covered my body with blanket to cover my crossdressing but still I  get caught by my sister. In my dream she opened my blanket  a little bit and peered into it. Then she said “sissy !”. I was surprised,  scared and of course felt ashamed in my dream. Then I woke up with nervous.

In another dream looked like I was fully crossdressing, but suddenly my family came and about to enter my house. I felt like almost being caught by them.

In another dream looked like I was crossdressing in my bedroom, but suddenly my relative wanted to enter my bedroom.

Sometimes I masturbated in my dreams too when I sleep with woman dress.

But recently I never dream like that again and I usually can sleep at night before holiday. I think it is maybe my desire to do crossdressing is not as strong as before.


Kemarin malam di acara  “Hitam Puth” Trans7 tampil seorang pengusaha yang juga concern dengan kesenian  tradisional. Jika hanya itu  tentu saja hal yang biasa. Yang tidak biasa adalah dia seorang lelaki tapi berpakaian layaknya seperti seorang wanita. Istilah populernya “crossdresser”. Nama laki-lakinya Hamzah dan nama femininnya Raminten. Dia punya tempat usaha di Yogya yang bernama ” The House of Raminten”. Alamatnya di Jl. Jalan Faridan Muridan Noto no.7, Kotabaru, Yogyakarta. Tempat wisata kuliner plus. Tempat ini sangat kondusif bagi  para crossdreser. Kemarin malam dia tampil bersama Yati Pesek dan Nirina serta co host Aming yang juga berpakaian wanita. Dengan pakaian tradisional Jawa. Kain kebaya. Ternayata dia juga sering manggung bersama Yati Pesek.

Episode ini bisa jadi  terasa istimewa terutama bagi para crossdresser. Karena dengan begitu maka kaum crossdresser seperti mendapat kesempatan untuk tampil lebih terbuka di depan umum dengan diwakili ibu Raminten. Dalam hal ini di depan audience baik yang di studio maupun yang menonton televisi dari rumah dengan skala lingkup nasional. Dan dengan sudut pandang yang positif, dalam hal ini untuk memajukan kesenian tradisional ketoprak dan wayang orang.Semoga ini bisa menjadi lampu hijau bagi kaum crossdresser, menyusul kaum waria.

Ternyata yang tampil di Hitam Putih tidak hanya yang hitam atau yang putih saja. Yang abu-abu atau yang loréng-loréng juga bisa tampil. Bravo !

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