I don’t know how to love Him

After I published “Love in the First Degree”, I got a comment says : ”
I don’t think fear of God is necessarily the best motivation to have for stopping crossdressing. We don’t need to fear God if our sins are forgiven in Jesus. But if we have accepted Jesus as our savior and we love God, then we are transformed people, new creations in Christ. We become people who love and delight in living for God and living in the way he wants us to live. So if crossdressing displeases him, we stop doing it for that reason. We don’t stop out of fear, and we don’t stop to try to earn our salvation. We stop because we want to live for God out of gratitude for the salvation and forgiveness he has already given to us.”

Well, I don’t know what to say, because it is true. I think I don’t know how to love Him. Not yet until now, even after many years I went to the house of God to worship Him. Maybe I was stiffnecked. Maybe I was a hypocrite. Every morning and night I pray, but I still don’t know how to show gratitude to God for forgiveness and salvation that I already received. Instead of listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit, I even satisfy my own lust by  doing crossdressing every weekend. What a hypocrite I am ! I look like a male prostitute wearing an attractive dress trying to attract my opposite gender. What a shame !

This video below is about a prostitute called Mary Magdalene who finally  repented. I wish I could repent like she did. Can I ?

I don’t know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I’ve been changed, yes really changed
In these past few days
When I’ve seen myself
I seem like someone else

I don’t know how to take this
I don’t see why he moves me
He’s a man
He’s just a man
And I’ve had so many
Men before
In very many ways
He’s just one more

Should I bring him down
Should I scream and shout
Should I speak of love
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I’d come to this
What’s it all about?

Don’t you think it’s rather funny
I should be in this position?
I’m the one
Who’s always been
So calm so cool
No lover’s fool
Running every show
He scares me so

I never thought I’d come to this
What’s it all about?

Yet
If he said he loved me
I’d be lost
I’d be frightened
I couldn’t cope
Just couldn’t cope
I’d turn my head
I’d back away
I wouldn’t want to know
He scares me so
I want him so
I love him so

6 thoughts on “I don’t know how to love Him

  1. I’ll keep praying for you as you try to figure out what you believe about crossdressing. Don’t let me push you into believing anything or doing anything. Keep praying, keep reading the Bible, and God will lead you to the truth. I enjoy our talks about these things. Let’s keep in touch

  2. Lulu, you are who you are. If God made you, He couldn’t have made a mistake, right? I haven’t read very far back in your blog, but I can hear the pain about your gender identity in your posts loudly and clearly. It’s okay to be you – in fact, it is critical that you live up to being the best you possible. You are who God intended you to be, and maybe you are a female bio-boy. Slap whatever terminology you want onto it.

  3. I just want to point out the logic in Singlein2012’s argument. What if I said that I was born as a selfish person (which is true), does that therefore mean I should be selfish to be true to who I am?

    Being the best me possible sometimes mean rejecting certain parts of myself, and certain desires, such as my natural desire to only please myself and not others. Lulu You can decide what you think about what you should reject or not as far as crossdressing goes.

    But I think we can all agree, we shouldn’t just give in to whatever natural desires we have. Some need to be resisted.

    • Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak ( Matthew 25 :41 )
      “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

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