I Love You For Sentimental Reasons

I am a person who difficult to cry. Last time I cried when my mother died about 4 years ago. I was the person who cried  less than  my relatives on that event. Even compared to my older relatives.

Yes sometimes I also cried but only in my dreams. Or when I listen to a gospel song and I sing along, suddenly I feel sentimental, I’m moved, my heart couldn’t cope and my eyes begin to wet a little bit. But it usually just stop until that. Not more.

But this morning when I listened to a gospel song. I suddenly wept , cried out like a kid after I participated to sing. I cried “God, help me ! God, forgive me !” for many times between my sobs. It made me relieve.

For you know, I professed to believe after I  become adult. And as you know too like I wrote in my articles that my faith is still weak, not grown yet. Rather than being a channel of blessing to others, I prefer to ask a blessing from God  for my own. I am selfish like a child, right ? I am still an infant who still needs milk rather than solid food, who have not  been trained by practice to distinguish good from evil. ( Hebrews 5:13-14 )  Instead of reading my holy book and praying, I prefer to spend my spare time doing crossdressing. I  only read my holy book  for a few times, each times for a short time and  if necessary only.  I pray just like a routine that I have to do it. Yes I usualy go to the house of the Lord once a week, but I still can’t feel His presence, His nearness, His touch and His greeting to me.

God, I don’t understand it at all. Why am  I easily moved  when I listen to Gospel song ?  Maybe I just  love You for sentimental reasons. A very selfish love and not a mutual love.


2 thoughts on “I Love You For Sentimental Reasons

  1. Maybe God is trying to speak to you of his love and grace through those Gospel songs. God’s presence isn’t always going to feel real touchy-feely. Sometimes we wish his presence was more obvious. I wish that a lot. But he is with us through the Holy Spirit, and when Jesus returns, we will again be with Jesus in the flesh.

  2. Wonderful to be visiting your blog again, it has been months for me. Well that article that i’ve been waited for so long. I will need this article to complete my assignment in the college, and it has exact same topic with your article. Thanks, amazing share.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s