Tag Archive | Blondie

Picture This

New year already arrived ! A special moment that we all wait and expect. Even many of us willing to sacrifice their time just to celebrate this moment. Even we maybe need to book a room with a special view.

It’s reasonable. Because after we already worked almost  throughout the year, now it’s the time for us to celebrate a very special moment. A moment of the coming of the new year.  A year that we still don’t know what will happen inside, but we just hope that the new year is a year with new hopes. Hopes that better than before. A year that we must face with optimistic.

Every people has a different way to celebrate this special moment. Some like to go to public area and watching firecrackers. Some like to go vacation. Some like to go to a quiet place to muse and meditate. Some like to spend the coming of a new year with no special activity. They just do some activities like any other days.

That is what I did this end of year, 31st December 2013. Had to go working, because my office didn’t close. The rain fell throughout that morning and I felt less healthy.  So I just spent that evening at home watching television. I went to bed not so late at night.

But in the middle of that night I woke up, probably by the sound of fireworks explosion. I tried to continue my sleep, but I couldn’t. So I woke and sat on my bed. My bed room has a large window faced the street in front of my house. Through that window I could see the firecrackers. It obviously seen because there’s no high buildings in front my house. So I enjoyed that scenery.

The next morning I just realized that I have a special room with a view. A room that maybe we must order in a hotel  several days or weeks or months in front. Maybe I should be thankful for what I have. A bed room although just a simple bed room and not luxurious, but I can sleep in with comfort.

But one thing that I missed about this, I forgot to take a video of it. So I had proof about this event. I was sorry about this.

Hanging on the telephone

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This article is written in 2 languages : English and Indonesian. Artikel ini ditulis dalam 2 bahasa : Inggris dan Indonesia.


One  complement of crossdressing is female voice. For me, it’s the most difficult part of crossdressing. Change our voice into a female voice. It’s almost like impossible to me. I have seen the video of it on internet. It takes months and years. Yes sometimes I also practice it, but my voice is still too far from perfect. It still likes falsetto. I have funny stories about it.

It was when I recently opened an account in facebook. I still didn’t dare to upload my photos until my face. I just upload my photos until my neck. And one of my male friend maybe because he thought that I am a girl, wanted to call me on the phone. But when I answered his call in my normal voice, he said “a male ?”.

Before that, because of boring and want some variations while crossdressing, I called any places with my female voice. The reactions that I got are varied.

When I called a radio station, a female radio broadcaster received my call and said “Miss, are you cold ? Your voice is trembling”. I couldn’t reply her. I was just hanging on the telephone for a while. Then I put the phone. My heart beat faster. It was totally failed.

The other time  I called another radio station, the radio broadcaster knew that I am male. So he said “Sir, not madam, right ? Please, admit it. Don’t be afraid”. Once again I couldn’t do anything. Just hanging on the telephone and my heart beat faster again. It didn’t get better than the first.

One day I got an idea to pretend asking about cloth at a shop. But unfortunately when I made a call, apparently a relative of the owner is my friend and she coincidently who received my call. I know exactly from her voice, so I put the phone immediately.

When my electricity at home was off, I called the state electricity company. The operator was a female. She tried to be polite to me and said “Is it madam, right ?”. She continued to ask me where was my position, my address with polite and suggested me to wait in patience  while the technicians fix it. I was so satisfied that time though I didn’t know the truth whether she knew me that I am a male or not.

It happened again another time when I was crossdressing. My electricity was off, so I called  the state electricity company with my female voice again.  And I got  the same respond from them. They tried to be polite to me and call me “madam”.

When I called a salon and asked how much the cost and whether they can dress me up in a traditional Javanese costume called kain kebaya with hair bun. The operator that a female answered my call with polite. She asked “For what event ?”. I answered “Family event”. After she said a certain amount then she said “We can do it, madam. Just come here “. That time I felt a sensation and happy.Although it never done, because I just do it fad.

After I read my own article, I get a conclusion. Companies or institutions that don’t receive any financial from us don’t respect us as those that will receive any financial from us.

Bahasa Indonesia

Salah satu pelengkap crossdressing adalah suara wanita. Bagi saya, itu bagian paling sulit dari crossdressing. Mengubah suara kita menjadi suara wanita. Hal ini seperti tidak mungkin untuk saya. Saya telah melihat videonya di internet. Perlu waktu berbulan-bulan  dan bertahun-tahun. Ya kadang-kadang saya juga berlatih, tapi suara saya masih terlalu jauh dari sempurna. Masih seperti falsetto. Saya punya cerita lucu tentang hal ini.

Ketika saya baru saja membuka account di facebook. Saya masih tidak berani meng-upload foto saya sampai ke wajah. Saya hanya meng-upload foto saya sampai leher. Dan salah satu teman laki-laki saya mungkin karena dia berpikir bahwa saya seorang gadis, ingin menelepon saya. Tapi ketika saya menjawab panggilannya dalam suara normal saya, ia berkata “laki-laki ?”.

Sebelum itu,  karena bosan dan ingin beberapa variasi waktu crossdressing, saya menelepon suatu tempat dengan suara wanita saya. Reaksi yang saya dapatkan bervariasi.

Ketika saya menelepon sebuah stasiun radio, seorang penyiar radio perempuan menerima telepon saya dan berkata “Nona, apakah anda kedinginan ? Suara anda gemetar”. Saya tidak bisa menjawabnya. Saya hanya menunggu dengan gagang telepon di tangan sebentar. Lalu saya meletakkan telepon. Jantungku berdetak lebih cepat.  Gagal total.

Di lain waktu saya menelepon stasiun radio yang lain, penyiar radio tahu bahwa saya laki-laki. Jadi ia berkata “ini bapak kan ?, bukan ibu.  Akui saja.  Jangan takut.”.  Sekali lagi saya tidak bisa berbuat apa-apa. Hanya menggantungkan gagang  telepon di tangan dan jantung saya berdetak lebih cepat lagi. Tidak lebih baik dari yang pertama.

Suatu hari saya mendapat ide untuk berpura-pura bertanya tentang kain di toko. Tapi sayangnya ketika saya membuat panggilan, ternyata kerabat pemilik adalah teman saya dan dia kebetulan yang menerima panggilan saya. Saya tahu persis dari suaranya, jadi saya langsung meletakkan telepon.

Ketika listrik di rumah mati, saya menelepon perusahaan listrik negara. Operatornya seorang wanita. Dia mencoba untuk bersikap sopan kepada saya dan berkata “Ini ibu, ya?”. Dia terus bertanya kepada saya di mana posisi saya, alamat saya dengan sopan dan menyarankan saya untuk menunggu dengan sabar sementara para teknisi memperbaikinya. Saya begitu puas saat itu meskipun saya tidak mengetahui kebenarannya apakah dia tahu saya bahwa saya seorang laki-laki atau tidak.

Itu terjadi lagi lain waktu ketika saya crossdressing. Listrik saya mati, jadi saya menelepon perusahaan listrik negara dengan suara wanita lagi. Dan saya menerima  respon yang  sama dari mereka. Mereka mencoba untuk bersikap sopan kepada saya dan memanggil saya “ibu”.

Ketika saya menelepon salon dan bertanya berapa biayanya serta apakah mereka dapat mandandani saya dengan pakaian wanita Jawa  yang disebut kain kebaya dengan rambut disanggul. Operator yang seorang wanita menjawab panggilan saya dengan sopan. Dia bertanya “Untuk apa acara?”. Saya menjawab “Acara keluarga”. Setelah ia mengatakan jumlah tertentu kemudian dia mengatakan, “Kami bisa melakukannya, ibu.  Datang saja di sini.”. Waktu itu saya merasakan sebuah  sensasi dan saya sangat senang. Meskipun tidak pernah kejadian, karena saya hanya melakukannya dengan iseng.

Setelah saya membaca artikel saya sendiri, saya mendapatkan kesimpulan. Perusahaan atau lembaga yang tidak menerima uang dari kita tidak menghormati kita sebagaimana mereka  yang akan menerima uang dari kita.

In the flesh

Late last year, Christians had just celebrate Christmas.  The event where God became a human in baby Jesus to save human from sin. It shows how important human as His creatures, so He needed to come to the world for His rescue mission. In the flesh.

As you know that  almost all of my postings in “Belief” menu or category  use many songs videos and also use them as the titles. The songs that I used  are secular songs, not religious or gospel songs. I just analyse and assume whether it fits or not. Usually I use the relationship between human,  especially between man and woman  to describe the relationship between human and God. In other words, I describe God as human especially as a man like the event of Christmas itself. Beside God himself also describes His congregation as His bride. So I think, it wouldn’t  be a  mistake.

But why I choose secular songs instead of religious or gospel songs ? Of course they are more interesting, at least that’s what I guess. I don’t mean to trap you or to force you or even to influence your mind. After all I’m not a psychist or a mentalist or even a magician  as you already know. I’m just a stupid person who pretends to be a beautiful girl, right ?.  By the way, you’re free to read it or not. Don’t you ?

Almost all of my articles are about my life experiences. I am sorry, if they are not interesting and even boring to you.  I just want to share my burdens so I can feel a little lighter. I just want to pour my heart’s content. Thank you if you still read or want to read it. May I say God bless you ?

I’m Always Touched By Your Presence, Dear

After I published my posting titled “I love you for sentimental reasons”, I got a comment said that God’s presence is not always obviously real. He is with us through the Holy Spirit.Yes indeed I feel almost the same way about this.

Since I was a kid, I was a skeptical and secular person, more concerned with worldly things than religious things. I was repeatedly told to go to church to worship by my parents, but I ignore it and postpone it until I become adult. Several times I went, but not seriously. Just to accompany my relative.

Then one day when I was in college, I fell  sick and should be hospitalized. So badly, until I threw up every feed. I was infused until a few days. I felt among the skeptical and desperate. I had thought that I would die. Food provided by the hospital was already not like that for the sick, but it is interesting food that looks like cake and tart. Until one day when visiting my late father said “how would you recover, if you do not eat”. That’s when I started little by little to force myself to eat. After that I gradually recovered. And finally when I can go home, I cried. I feel that God has healed me. ( 1 Peter 2:24 ) “By whose stripes ye were healed”. But after all that has been done,  my life still doesn’t change. I was still a skeptical,  secular  and also stubborn person.

Years  passed.  One day when I rode my motor and turned, suddenly my motor slipped and I fell. Fortunately, I am alright except suffered a little wound. I don’t know the reason why, but  my heart said that the Lord has kept me from this accident and I must begin to go to church. ( Psalm 121 :7-8 ) ” The LORD will keep you from all harm  he will watch over your life;  the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore”. He seemed to ask my promise since I was a kid.

2 weeks later I began to go to church. The first time I felt so sentimental and I cried until one of the elder said that he wanted to visit me at home to give me comfort. But I said it’s alright, it wouldn’t be necessary.

Not long after that I begin to feel sensitive when I listen to gospel song and participate to sing sometimes I couldn’t cope, my heart feels something push to come out and my eyes begin to wet a bit. If I force to sing, I can begin to cry. Not only that. Once when I read a book of testimony, I also cried.

One thing that I don’t understand. If He cares for me, why doesn’t He keep me from doing the action  that isn’t useful except to please myself. Like doing crossdressing.

Not like the cases when I listen to a gospel song or when I read a book of testimony and I begin to cry  or  when He saved me from a serious accident. In these cases look like that  I’m always touched by Your presence, dear God. But on the other hand He seems to ignore my crossdressing habit and not disturb by it, and so  my crossdressing habit goes on. It looks like that He gives me choice to do it or to leave it by my own free  will. He seems to respect our own free will as human. He is not a god who likes to force. But it surely be a hard and difficult choice for me. ( Proverbs 16:25 ) “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”


When I was browsing  Youtube and saw the song above, suddenly I remembered an old friend of mine in high school named Denis as well.  Me and Denis used to sit in same table together in the last  row in the classroom. We are close friends.

Denis and I like the others in general are also pleased joking and kidding. Sometimes also played  physical game. But there was something that Denis did to me that I didn’t like it. Denis sometimes likes to pinch and poke my breasts and buttocks while saying, “plump,  tender, a lot of meat, flirtatious, like a girl”. When I was a student, I was a bit chubby. I could not get angry with him, I also didn’t feel so offended. I just felt a bit annoyed and a bit uncomfortable. Maybe Denis saw that our table was in the last line, so no one behind us who can saw what Denis doing to me. A very good position. A hidden place.

I also  admit that Denis face is attractive. But at last we separated when we graduated. Since then I never meet Denis again and never heard of Denis again.

So, where are you now my dear friend Denis ? Are you still reading my article ? I hope you don’t angry with me, because of this article. If so, I am sorry. I hope you are doing well right now, happy with your life and your spouse. Or are you still looking for life couple ? A woman or a man ? Or both ?